Bag Lady

“Bag Lady, you gon hurt yo back,

Dragging all them bags like that,

I guess nobody ever told you

All you must hold on to,

Is YOU, IS YOU” –Erykah Badu, Bag Lady

When I first heard this song, I had no idea the message behind it.  I loved it though, it’s one of my favorite tunes to sing along to.  I recently moved and realized that I was starting to become a BAG LADY, an undercover emotional hoarder.  This move was very significant for me. I was in that place for 3 years so you can imagine the memories and emotions that were attached to 123 Memory Lane.  I was going through my personal items while unpacking, trying to decide what I needed to throw away.  I sat in the floor for about an hour reading old cards, looking at pics, souvenirs, and other memorabilia.   It was a really hard decision to throw away all those things that represented periods of love, fun, and lifelong memories.  In the end, I said eff it and threw it all in the trash.

I hate throwing things away because I feel that I will need it somewhere down the line or because it’s a reminder of a past event.  A few weeks ago at church, the pastor said something that made me walk down the aisle for alter prayer.  You know when you been holding something in and your chest is hurting because your pride won’t let you acknowledge that you are human and have emotions?? Yea, that feeling.  All he simply said was, “you’ve got to release the past to receive the promise of the future”.  It hit home.  So at the end of the service when he called folks down for prayer to let something go that you’ve been holding on to, I couldn’t let the moment pass.  I prayed and it was released.

Unfortunately for a lot of people, it’s hard to let go.  We hold on to the pain of failed relationships, bad childhoods, absent parents, loss of loved ones and insecurities.  We hold on to what used to be.  “I remember when I used to do this, or when I was growing up…” We should not allow the past to have power over our future.  In doing so, we fail to receive the blessings of today.  How can you thoroughly enjoy life if you are constantly comparing it to yesterday?  I think we hoard these emotions in our minds and allow it to shape our outlook on the future, becoming bitter, regretful, and hopeless. 

“One Day all them bags gone get in your way. So pack light”

Like the song says, Pack light.  Don’t allow those events to define who you are today.  It’s ok to reflect and acknowledge the hurt or the feelings you experienced back then, but that’s where it ends.   Leave those bags where you found them. At some point, all that baggage will GET IN YOUR WAY and hinder you.  Think about the show hoarders: either you clean up and throw away the mess or get evicted. Whether it is a new relationship or a new job, at some point you will have to leave your past behind and step into your future.  All you need is you. Go out and create new memories.  What you feel you may have lost will come back to you.   

Here’s the link for the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqN0jsSeqPo

For my symbolic people, notice how the women in the video represent different issues.  I believe this is an ode to Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls choreopoem, where each poem was presented by 7 women in different colors, representing the issues they faced. 

Be blessed and let it go,

-grannyBee

We Are More

Saturday, August 9, 2014, 18 year old Mike Brown was shot multiple times by a police officer.  The officer’s version claims that Mike Brown physically assaulted the officer and tried to reach for his gun.  An eyewitness was interviewed on MSNBC and said that the officer tried to force Mike Brown into the police vehicle and held him as he fired a shot into his right side.  Mike Brown was shot a second time in the back after trying to run.  He raised his hands, pleading with the officer to stop shooting.  More shots were fired, and Mike Brown’s life ended. 

I wanted to scream when I saw this on Twitter Saturday evening.  I read news reports and knew the black Times New Roman font I was reading just didn’t make sense.  I thought about all the cases known and unknown during the past few years that my people have been killed for just being BLACK.   We’re gunned down for asking for help after an accident, walking home from the store, walking on the street to our grandmother’s home, breaking up a fight, and playing our music too “loud”.  We are beaten and humiliated for walking on the highway and the list goes on.  I hear and read about these cases and say a prayer, wondering what I can do to help prevent these tragedies.

Right now, I’m seriously torn.  I’m torn because every few weeks Black people are getting killed or beaten across the nation without any consequences.  But then, right in my backyard (literally) we are quickly eliminating ourselves.  I’m tired of waking up to alerts from the local news stations on my phone about a shooting in Richmond.  Just the other day, someone was killed about 5 minutes away from my home at an apartment complex.  I was looking at the homicide list in Virginia and so many of our young Black men are being killed over ignorance.  IGNORANCE.  Sunday, July 6, my 21 year old cousin was killed at a yard party in Amelia.  Over IGNORANCE.  About 2 years ago, my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend were gunned down in their home.  Over IGNORANCE.  On 1/1/06, my cousin and his young daughter were murdered in their home.  Over IGNORANCE.

In all of these situations, I feel like IGNORANCE is the common factor.  To police officers across the nation, that are sworn to “Protect” and “Serve”,   HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! What in the Sam Hell is going on with yall?  To my trigger happy, gun toting good citizens of the United States of America, not every Black person that plays loud music, wears a hoodie, or shows up at your door asking for help after an accident, is out to harm, rob, steal, destroy or kill you! (I think the Devil has that covered) And last, to my good Black folks.  My young brothers and sisters, it’s time to rise up.  It’s time we held our heads up and placed our crowns back on our heads.  It’s time we realize that we are more than that what the media portrays.  We are more than reality TV shows.  We are more than ass shots, Brazilian weaves, VIP sections, jail cells, prisons, foster homes, World Star Hip Hop videos, drug abuse, absent mothers and fathers, inner city schools, public housing, EBT cards.  We are more than drug dealers, thugs, twerkers, loud mouth bad asses, unwed mothers, and fatherless boys.   I say all that to say this:  we are more than the images that falsely represent us.  We are more than disproportionate statistics.  We must defy every label, stigma, and stereotype!  Whatever situation you’re going through, I promise if you seek help and want to, you can make it out.  If you feel this post doesn’t pertain to you, then I urge you to get involved.  Get involved in your communities, mentor a child, and please vote in your local elections.  If we heavily participate in local elections, we can put people in office that will address our issues and concerns and take action.  A lot of us do a lot of “fake caring”.   We’ll quickly throw up a tweet or Instagram post saying #smh #thisissosad #RIP.  Or some of yall real bold and will make a Meme or funny post for a few likes. Hashtags and Pictures are cool when it comes to civil rights issues, but it’s time to put in that real work and do your part!  #Butitismybusinesstho!

Look, honestly, I don’t have the answers.  I just want to be a part of the solution and not the problem.  I just can’t stand on the sidelines and watch this continue to happen.  Whether it’s the cops, trigger happy citizens, the government, or ourselves, we’ve got to do something!  I’m off my soapbox for now.

Peace,

-grannyBee

#RIP

De'Aris Lewis

Lewis and Rocana Casper

Brian Casper

Mike Brown

Oscar Grant

Trayvon Martin

Jordan Davis

Renisha McBride

Jonathan Ferrell

Sean Taylor

Eric Garner

Marty Cobb

And to the countless other victims of senseless, ignorant violence, i say RIP to you as well

#RIP to every single negative stereotype, bias, statistic, stigma, and image of African Americans 

Faux Vegan

I usually pack breakfast and lunch for work.  Usually, I'm pretty good about it but when I get busy I fail to do so.  I’ve been doing it for a while now and I’m telling you, my bank account thanks me.  I hadn't been to the grocery store lately so when I got up 7 days ago I had no clue what I would eat for the day.  I grabbed a container of Greek yogurt and headed out the door.  Somewhere between the ride to work and before lunch, I decided I wouldn't eat any meat that day.  I don’t know why I did it, but I announced to my coworkers that i wasn't eating any meat for a few days.

I’d say for 5 days out of the week I eat pretty healthy.  I tend to snack on chocolate chip cookies but mainly I’m a healthy eater (don’t judge me).   Almost every weekend since my birthday in May, I have been on the road on the weekends.  It’s hard to try and eat the way I normally do when I’m travelling.  It seems like something is always going on and food is almost always involved.  Why spend money when I can get a free home-cooked meal? Picture fried porkchops smothered in gravy, stringbeans cooked with ham hocks, my aunt’s famous Mac n cheese, or some fried chicken gizzards. (im country, yes) My excuse: “I don’t eat like this at home”.

I noticed that I was starting to get very tired again.  I was coming home taking naps for 90 minutes, trying to work out and feeling very fatigued, catching cramps, feeling bloated, etc.  I knew it was because my schedule was off.  Sometimes I wouldn’t make it to the store during the week and I would just grab something on the go, still trying to be as healthy as possible.  Once I decided I wouldn’t eat any meat for a few days, I really wanted to submerge myself into the vegan lifestyle for a few days.    I went to the nutritionist at my job a few months ago (FREE btw) and was given certain goals on how much protein, carbs, fat, and calories I should eat every day.  It’s not a diet but I began to understand how to eat.  She told me that I’m a very good eater but by looking at my goals every day I will know HOW to eat.  And yes, it’s been working when I actually follow it.  But this post isn’t about weight loss or dieting. 

I want to let you guys know the difference I have felt in these last 7 days since I have removed ALL meats from my diet.  I have not craved any meats and no I haven't been on the scale.  Like I said, my reasoning for this initially had nothing to do with weight loss.  (but hey, if it comes, I'm not one to Block the blessings of the Lord).  The first few days were difficult because I could only think of eating bread and pasta to fill me up.  That satisfied my carbs but I had to think about protein.  I went to a wedding, the bar, and a comedy show this past weekend and was able to successfully stick to my plan.  Day 6 was probably the 1^st day that I had a well balanced day of eating.  I went grocery shopping Sunday and bought veggie and black bean burgers and meatless chicken strips, for protein. I got my normal stuff, veggies, fruit, greek yogurt, almond milk, high fiber/protein cereal, eggs, etc.  I went to Zumba Monday night as well.  I hadn't worked out in a week so I dreaded going.  This aint your average Zumba class.  If you don’t believe me, hit me up on a Monday or Thursday night and I’ll prove it to you.  Surprisingly,  I was very energized.  I usually catch a meannnnnnn cramp across my stomach whenever I do an intense workout but I didn’t feel a thing tonight.  I was up at 4:30am that morning so I was anticipating a nap when I got home but I didn’t need it.  For dinner, I made the faux chicken strips and they shocked the hell out of me.  They were pretty darn good.  They taste just like chicken from the Chinese restaurants. (no offense).  I don’t feel as bloated as I have been and my energy has been up.  My digestive system is still getting used to my new diet but overall, I feel the changes.  For now, I will keep this up as long as I can.  I’m not trying to be inducted into the Vegan society but for now I will reap the benefits and update you all.   I've learned that to be Vegan actually means you don't consume or buy any products that are animal derived.  Sorry I cant give up eggs and my makeup so you see why i consider myself a "faux" Vegan.  There are entirely too many distinctions about vegetarians and I, for one, AM NOT HERE FOR THAT lol.  I am very proud of myself because I am treating this experience as an exercise to build discipline.  I wonder if I’m only noticing a difference b/c of the anticipation or am I really feeling a change.  Please feel free to give me food suggestions or leave any comments or questions.  

Here's the stir fry I made last night using the meat-less chicken strips:

the Gentle-man

On his 16th birthday, Karanja and his best friend were playing around with a gun they had found in their neighborhood.  His best friend pointed the gun at him jokingly and KJ got upset.

“Chill out, I know what I’m doing”, said his friend.

Telling KJ that it wasn't loaded, he pointed the gun at his own head and pulled the trigger,

killing himself,

in front of his best friend, on his 16th birthday.


When I first met KJ, I knew this brother had a testimony.  Accepting a job as an Economist for the city, he moved back to Richmond last year after receiving his Master’s from Savannah State.  We worked on several projects together and at the same time he was in the process of becoming a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity and was a mentor for Big Bro, Big Sis.  I thought I was a busy person but it seems KJ always had one up on me.  He always takes initiative and never slacks when we are involved in any projects for our organization.  I get inspired by people I see out here grinding, taking full advantage of the world.  One day we were editing a video we made and I blurted out, “Where do you get your drive from”.  If you know me, you know I talk a lot and I ask a lot of questions.  You can say I was being nosey but I wasn’t.  I wasn’t trying to get in his business but I just had to know what kept him motivated to handle and conquer so many responsibilities. I know my question caught him off guard, but being the gentleman he is, he laughed it off and simply replied, “long story”.  I didn’t press any further.



You wouldn’t know that KJ witnessed his best friend kill himself from the tailored suits he wears.  You wouldn’t guess that all of his role models when he was a boy sold drugs and resided in penitentiaries from his chivalrous mannerisms and the way he always holds the door for women.  You wouldn’t imagine that he was expelled from high school and even landed in a jail cell himself from the smile he that is always present on his face.  KJ told me that it was his mother, who constantly prayed for him that helped him overcome adversity and that he wants to be the role model that he desperately sought out as a kid.  After talking with KJ about his story, all I can say is, “That’s God”!  Today, I salute my friend Karanja and say that you ARE that role model for young men and continue to let your light shine.  We’re watching and its evident, Your Gift Looks Good on You.

-grannyBee

The Maverick

This guy Vernon.  Vernon and I attended VCU around the same time.  I used to see him quietly on the scene.  Our paths crossed again last year as we both were part of an 8 month development program at work.  Every class, Vernon was dressed as if he was about to shoot for GQ Magazine.  That boy was sharp.  I noticed a slightly older gentleman, equally dressed to the nines, was one of the leaders as well.  Lo and behold it was his damn daddy.  You could definitely tell that his style and demeanor were inherited.  

 What I found noteworthy about Vernon as the weeks went on was that he had an extremely strong work ethic.  He was recognized for having completed a rigourous IT program and receiving a promotion.  I believe there were only two African Americans in that particular program at the time.  (insert Plug for STEM education) Although he was quiet, I could tell that this young brother was on a mission.  Vernon graduated from VCU in 2012 with a degree in Information Systems.  Getting to college was one of his greatest challenges.  Having graduated high school at the age of 16, he was never focused on his schoolwork or putting any real effort into going to college.  Living in New York at the time, Vernon started working and was only concerned about getting money and acquiring material things. Drake and Trey Songs’ “Succesful” hook comes to mind here.  He was denied entrance at almost every college he applied to.  Afraid of letting his parents down who were both Virginia Union University alumni, he applied to VCU.  He was accepted but had to pay for his dorm and tuition out of pocket and maintain an A grade average.  It was only UP from there.  In the meantime Vernon pledged Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity and is a voulnteer Lacrosse coach for youth in DC.  

When you see Vernon, it’s evident that he invests a lot in himself and takes full advantage of every opportunity.  At some point, we all have to realize that we ARE more and HAVE more to offer if we just apply ourselves.  Vernon realized this early on and has been reaping the benefits of exceeding his potential.  As you probably guessed, Vernon said every man should have a well-tailored suit. I used to joke with my friend that Vernon never wore any socks with his loafers lol.  Once the winter hit, I noticed his pants were a little longer and his ankles were covered lol. (just kidding Vernon).  Today I #salute Vernon Howard who is well on his way.  You can follow him on Instagram @ mavr_1ck  .  

The Mayor

The “Mayor” I was thinking of a name to give this week’s #mcm and the “Mayor” popped up.  Funny how he has that listed in his bio on Instagram lol. Today’s #MCM is no other than my GUY and everybody else’s guy, Bruce Fields.  If you’re in Richmond, Atlanta, New York, America, etc, then you should know this guy or probably already do.  I met Bruce at VCU sometime between my freshman or sophomore year.  The one thing I have noticed and admired about Bruce is that he’s a well-connected man.  If it has anything to do with music, food, art, or fashion, he’s usually on the scene or a part of it. #HeGetsAround !  This man packs clubs for his birthday and his “hologram” makes frequent appearances in major cities in the US lol.

Bruce graduated from VCU and has experience as a brand marketer and associate producer.  He’s a member of Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity, Co-Founder of the Connoisseur Magazine, Founder of the noBodies, and a supporter of the #47thHour project.  Every time I see Bruce, he always asks about what’s going in my life.  I saw Bruce one Saturday night at a friend’s house the day before he was leaving for New York for the umpteenth time.  We were joking, gossiping, and having a good time when the conversation changed into a more serious tone.  You know those moments when you just start talking about L.I.F.E and all the bull that’s going on.  I remember hearing about Bruce getting a full time job (not in his field) here in Richmond but soon after he was heading to Atlanta out of the blue.  Even though this happened a few years ago, I had to ask, “How did you get the courage to just up and leave Richmond where you were so comfortable and connected”?  Bruce told me that he was given the chance to intern in Atlanta for a large advertising agency.  He left his full time job and had to live in a hotel for 3 months making next to nothing.  All he could think about was proving to his self that he could make it in the advertising/marketing industry no matter what city he was in.  Long story short, he ended up getting a full time position with the company.

Bruce might not have known at that moment, but I was inspired by his story.  His leap of faith gave him the opportunity of a lifetime.  I’ve thought about that story quite a few times as I contemplate my own willingness to take risks.  Bruce has always been supportive of everyone he knows and really puts on for his city.  No matter where he ends up, he can’t leave Richmond behind. You can find him on the #RVAHappy video and his pictures on his Instagram account portray Richmond as an artistic, eclectic, diverse, and talented city.  A far cry away from the crimes and negative images you see on the 6 o’clock news.   Bruce said every man should own a copy of the book Rules of the Red Rubber Ball:  Find and sustain your life’s work by Kevin Carroll. I’m going to check out this book myself.   Bruce “The Mayor” Fields, I #SALUTE you today and say keep taking those risks and putting on for your city.  And maybe one day you will officially become the Mayor of Richmond.   The “street is watchin”! You can follow Bruce on Instagram @bofields to stay updated on the latest that Richmond has to offer!   -grannyBee

Dances with my father

I was at home a few weeks ago and my step-dad asked me when was the last time I had visited my father's grave. I shrugged it off and said "IDK". "Why", he asks. He then says, "you should try to get out there at least once a year".  I wonder what prompted him to ask me that.

My dad passed when I was 15. I didn't allow myself to grieve until about a week or two later.  That same day I went and cheered at a basketball game like nothing happened. I walked around in a daze. Didn't shed one tear. Not because of lack of love or anything, I loved my daddy to death. I think I just didn't know how and didn't want anybody to see me. I finally broke down at home and started having anxiety attacks. Luckily my step dad was there and talked me through it.

Well it's been almost 10 years and I can probably count on one hand how many times I visited his grave. No, I'm not cruel, we didn't have a bad relationship or anything like that. I'm just not one to go standing around at a grave trying to find comfort from a piece of granite.  Every Memorial Day my grandmother and other family members go out to our family plot and clean graves. They pick weeds, remove trash, etc. I never understood why they did that until this year.

As I Get older, I find my self tearing up inside and swallowing back a lump in my throat when I see children interacting with their fathers.  Things are happening and I get an urge to call my dad just to say hey. Sometimes at night, I just let it out silently and allow the tears to flow.  I cried after I graduated college, I cried after I met the former Gov Doug Wilder, I cry sometimes after watching something on tv.  I think grief lasts forever and I now know that it's ok to acknowledge those feelings.  That's how I get through. I smile and just say, "DAD"!  I say it out loud to hear myself and hope he hears it too. I think the hardest part of me getting older is knowing we only had 15 years together. 15 years of memories and love. Just knowing he didn't get to see me drive, date (he always said I couldn't date till I was 30), be a part of the Air Force JROTC ( I joined because he was in the air force ), see me graduate, help me move into my first apartment, etc.  I don't think of him as missing out on anything anymore; I just call him up in my bed, my secret place, and tell him about it!

I think the reason my family cleans off graves every year, is to let our ancestors know that somebody remembers them . Somebody remembers their legacy and loves them. Me and my mom were fussing when we went to my father's resting place and saw weeds and grass growing around other people's graves. We saw tire tracks like somebody just took a joy ride over graves. Every time I hear Luther Vandross's song "Dance With My Father", I cry. I love that song and that will always be our song.  It's crazy how people that haven't seen me since I was a a baby will ask, are you Randy's daughter? You look just like him! ( Got this yesterday). So when I'm having a moment, I'll go to my secret place and Dance With My Father, Randy Jerome Hurt.